It had just begun, the way many valuable things begin, in a way that I could never have guessed. I was in the first minute of the first class in my first year of graduate studies at The Ohio State University. I had been working for just about 8 years after completing my undergraduate work. At the insistence of my wife, Anne, I took the GMAT scoring in the top 5% (maybe it was 8%?) and felt strongly that I had something meaningful to offer this very serious undertaking. This was no messin' around. I was going to get an MBA, so I was ready to dig into some serious mountain-top thinking. After all, wasn't that how one got ahead in this world?
The professor for our first course, Organizational Behavior, strode into the lecture about 5 minutes late. I do not recall his name, but he was originally from Korea - I forget which side of the border - and I liked him immediately. He smiled and asked, "Who in this room wants to receive a grade of 'A' in this course?' I sheepishly raised my hand, along with many others, knowing there was a second half to that question.
We put our hands down and he gave us the formula. You know, the formula that so many people look for in life, work and relationships that shoot us to the front of the class, that lock in the love of the person we desire and that gets the adulation and promotion we seek professionally. You know....the formula!
But he didn't say what I expected, which wasn't a specific guess on my part but rather a general idea that it would be something meaningful; deeply felt. He said . . . wait for it, "If you want an A in this course you will bring tea to me at each lecture on Tuesday and Thursday with a lemon in it." Silence. Staring.
Success - with your boss, your spouse or your customers - is often not about the base 'product'. It's really about something else altogether. Don't get me wrong, you must do the core things properly and at a high level of quality and maybe a good dash of panache. But this is something else. It requires understanding people and the things important to them. My wife, who is far more attractive than I can justify being with, knew what I looked like. She understood what I was about and what level of intelligence I had/didn't have. However, with all that in my, um, favor, she told me years later that she fell in love with me because of one act: a Fribble.
I was picking her up late from work one night - she worked the night shift at Children's Hospital - and remembered like a bolt of lightning that she told me how much she loved these strawberry milkshakes. I left my apartment early enough so I could drop by Friendly's Ice Cream and get her one on the way down. No big plan, no ulterior motives, just doing something she'd like. When she got in the car and saw the shake - remember it's 11 PM and she's just worked 10 hours - she lit up. And I instantly transformed from regular guy into a superhero.
There are of course, no formulas for success at much of anything but I do offer these thoughts from my experience:
1. You have to know what matters to people. The job you are doing for them is a given. If you don't get that done all the Fribbles in the world won't save you. Oh yeah and by the way, people won't always tell you exactly what they need or like. You'll have to work at finding out. When you do . . .
2. Do it for them. The first part of this is the action the second part is the motivation. Once you know what matters to people and what will wow them, you have to take action. Something memorable. Something personal. Something that very clearly says "I've paid attention and I have done this specifically for you." Finally, you must expect nothing in return. You do it for the sheer joy and fulfillment of doing something meaningful for another. Don't assume that 33% of the people you do this for will buy another XX widgets. You appreciate them and just want to do it for them - not you.
3. Smile the whole time knowing you're doing something that matters. There is one little selfish thing you can do for yourself and that is this: when you know you are doing something kind and meaningful for someone else you feel good and that is just fine. And when you feel good you smile and walk a little more upright and briskly. And when you smile people want to know what's up with you. And you tell them. And it spreads.
The professor didn't really give A's for tea - but he did get some tea out of the deal. And I felt great about it!!
