Intelligence and courtesy not always are combined; Often in a wooden house a golden room we find.
-- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, author
A mistake made by many people with great convictions is they will let nothing stand in the way of their views, not even kindness.
-- Bryant C. McGill, poet
"Can I give you some feedback?" Let me give you the setting around how that wonderful question came to me. Early in my career as a manager I was riding with a small group in a company van to several days of meetings with a vendor. Some of those in the car reported up through the organization to me. As we were talking about numerous topics, many of them resulting in laughs at my expense as I recall, one of the associates asked me a question that immediately sent a chill down my spine: "Lance, do you mind if I give you some feedback?"
I braced myself and said, "Of course, not. I'd appreciate it." The gift they gave me next would change how I viewed my role as a leader and challenged me in a way I'd not been challenged before. They said, "It's funny but here in the van we're all talking and you seem so easy to get along with, approachable (corporate-speak I know) and funny. Back at the office you rarely smile and seem so serious. When we see you in the halls you look so intent in your thoughts you don't seem to want to be bothered so people don't speak to you. You should be more like this all the time."
It was the first time anyone had, in a way, said to me that I wasn't perceived as being a very nice person. I was practically hyperventilating. I hadn't realized how important it was for people to know that I was a nice person - just that I was smart, energetic and got the job done. You see, we impact every single person that is anywhere within a 10 yard radius of us during a day. People want to be noticed, they want to know that they matter and their day is raised by a kind smile, a 'hello' or a simply a 'point' from far away. When we have disagreements, people are energized when we focus our attention on the issues and address them courteously, respectfully - as a friend would.
The Scout Law provides three character traits and behaviors in succession related to, well, being nice:
A Scout is Friendly. Ever hear of the 'mood elevator'? We all ride one every day all day long. What if I told you that you have the ability to rise another person's elevator to the upper most floors from wheresoever they may be? It's simple: treat them as you would a friend. Greet everyone with a smile and by saying their actual name (no more 'heeyyy youuuu good to see ya's'). Let them know they are welcome. If you are the senior person in the room, go out of your way to offer a welcome personally to everyone entering. You'll shoot people's elevators through the roof.
A Scout is Courteous. I watched two grown men open doors to a local store the other day only to let it close on someone behind them. They didn't even look. It's as if people are saying 'hey, we're all on our own - open your own door.' Some people get so caught up in who they are or what they're about that they forget common courtesy and manners. When someone does something for you at the office, in your neighborhood that you weren't present to see, seek them out and say 'thank you' right to them. Go ahead, offer your seat to someone in a doctor's waiting room and see what reaction you get.
A Scout is Kind. Remaining calm and gentle to others in difficult circumstances isn't our normal course I'm afraid. We allow situations to dictate whether we are kind. To the puppy who comes stumbling over to relieve himself on your shoe we show grace. To the person at work whom we don't agree, or frankly have come not to enjoy the company of, we are short and efficient with our words. We treat better a dog going to the bathroom on our foot than a human being that happens to have the misfortune of thinking differently than we. Simple, unnecessary acts of kindness that are unasked for and maybe even undeserved are where this takes us.
I bet you could do any of this right now, but you haven't decided it's for you. Have you noticed The power of one small word. One simple tiny word, part of each of the attributes of a Boy Scout? It removes all excuses, clarifications, circumstances, qualifications, rationalizations, ifs or buts. It does not provide an alternative course of action for treating people around them. It's this: 'is'. You see, A scout simply, "is." These are not ideals that a scout shoots for one day - they must be now, today in whatever situation they find themselves. We ought follow this model, not limiting our performance to the times all things are pulling in our direction or on certain days of the week. They are required when we do not feel like it. In fact, just the doing of them has the curious effect of making us feel more like doing them.
Say the following to yourself 3 times daily, with your name inserted in place of mine and get yourself in that frame of who you 'is':
Lance is Friendly
Lance is Courteous
Lance is Kind
I know that if I 'is' those things, many people will benefit day in a day out. Give others this gift today - because you 'is'!!!
