In fact, the number of challenges you have may not be anything you can do anything about - just which one's are active at the time. I heard about a young man who was living a life full of difficulties, challenges and issues. Recalling a professional development seminar - okay, "class" - he'd attended, he knew that it can be helpful to write your challenges down - to see them for what they are. He did this. As he finished up he realized he'd filled 5 sheets of paper. As he surveyed the vastness of the source of his poor humor and stomach discomfort, he recalled a story of an elderly woman who offered advice to people. He decided to go see her.
She lived alone in a small cottage at the top of a hill just outside of town. No roads led to her door so he had to hike. Upon reaching the front door he - just briefly - wondered what in the heck he was doing here. He knocked anyway and was greeted quickly by the lady he'd heard about. You know how somebody just looks smart when you see them. Well she looked so intelligent and, well, regal that he almost forgot why he was there. She surveyed him a moment and then said, "Your face tells me you have a question for me."
"Yes, I do" he said, "but I'm not sure how to ask it."
"Let me help. I suppose in those papers you're carrying that you have a list of problems, eighty-three of them to be precise and that you suppose that with some help you could improve your life by making the list shorter."
He was stunned. First that she already seemed to know why he was there, but chillingly she had numbered his list of problems - he hadn't even done that. Quickly he began counting his list. His amazement grew toward the end as he realized he had, precisely, eighty-three problems. "How did you know that?" he asked.
She answered him in a way that changed his view forever: "My son, you problem isn't that you have eighty-three problems. It's that you think your not supposed to have them."
This story illustrates for me a truth about our challenges with life, family, business and friends. Many will rightly say that part of the circle of learning is resolving the issues, learning from them and applying what you learn to the next set. But that misses something. Something critical to our purpose in any walk of like : to use what we've learned to help another down the road.
If all we do is help ourselves, the circle of learning remains incomplete and the full value of our experience cannot be fully reached.
Said more positively, the world can be made a better place because of the challenges you've worked through - in each one is an opportunity. You can complete the circle today, but you have to be looking:
Value what you've learned. You did much more than just get through it and put it behind you. You've added significantly to the storehouse of impact you can have for others. That sounds a lot better than 'just got through it' and it's true. Your life is like a bag of surprises that people can reach into and benefit from.
Make the value accessible to others. It's my experience people aren't very good at saying they have a problem they need help with. I know I don't like to own up to my shortfall of ability to handle a given task and I bet I am not alone. You may have to go looking for a place to apply what you've learned. Pay attention to the things that are challenging your organization, your family or friends. Offer help.
Give it away with no expectations of repayment. As leaders - at work, in our homes or in our community - we have a responsibility to 'give our experiences legs' by helping others. My wife and her family have experienced a great deal in working through the emotional issues associated with her mother's progression to and through Alzheimer's disease. Sometimes she has wondered why it happened. This past week the head of the facility Anne's mother is in approached her and told her that another family is in need of support. That Anne and her family have become the 'model family' and wanted to know if Anne was willing to meet with them to help them with their struggles. I think we now know part of the 'why?'
See your struggles as the first step to one day helping someone else - they won't look quite the same to you again.
