There's an old rule/law/proverb (confession, for all I know someone made it up 10 years ago) that if you are talking you can't be learning anything. Now that I think about it, it was probably written by Mrs. Stantz my 1st and 2nd grade teacher and that wasn't 10 years ago. Anyway, I didn't talk a lot but it seemed like it was at all the times she was talking. She apparently felt that what she was saying had more relevance to the subject at hand. So, she told me to "stop talking and listen or we'll go see the principal." Mr. Gerber's office wasn't far away and I'd just been there - so I stopped and listened.
Mrs. Stantz, it turns out was a leadership development genius. Buried in the verbal backhand to the back of my head was a lesson for us all. No matter who you are and no matter how good you think you are at listening, you probably still talk when you should be listening to what others have to say. It's cultural. We're a competitive bunch and we need to show others that we know our stuff. Or that we're smarter than our peers. Or that we have information power over those who report to us. But to truly lead - bosses, peers or your team - you have to listen more than you talk. I've got three steps you can start using in your staff meeting on Monday (yours or your bosses), a meeting with a client, or any other meeting you're in.
1. Ask more questions than you answer. This is your Learning Quotient: (questions asked / statements made). If you find yourself talking too much, working too hard to make people see your way, ask them to expand a bit on theirs or how their perspective deals with a certain situation.
2. Tie the discussion to your strategy. It's critical for more conversation to revolve around alignment with your purpose for being and how whatever you're talking about moves you in that direction. It may surprise you at first that people don't want to face that question, or deflect it as soft puffy stuff. If you and your team get good at this you will be amazed at what you can get done - and maybe more importantly what you will stop doing.
3. Look for ways to make ideas better, rather than prove them wrong. Many discussions - you've been in them - devolve into an argument of alternative perspectives. Learning goes out the window because no one's trying to make anyone's idea better, but spend all the energy trying to win. Your team, your department and your business loses when you allow this. You work with smart energetic people - you may just find you like their idea better.
Leader's listen more than tell. Become a better questioner than arguer.
