Wisdom is the reward you get for a lifetime of listening when you'd have preferred to talk. ~ Doug Larson
A good listener is not only popular everywhere, but after a while he gets to know something. ~ Wilson Mizner
A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Words
I saw a fascinating commercial the other day. It's one of those commercials that provide images so striking and interesting that you can't for the life of you remember the product...and I can't. I happened to be recording the show that was on when I saw it, so I went back later and watched it. During the commercials I'd hit the mute button and pick up a conversation with my wife. I happened to be looking at the screen at the muted images of a commercial that said a lot about our culture and communications.
It was a series of short scenes that, in different ways, show people talking incessantly and loudly at each other. Everyone's mouth is moving, fingers are pointed and arms are waving obviously signalling a debate about something or other.
A lot of emotion...
A lot of energy...
I saw a fascinating commercial the other day. It's one of those commercials that provide images so striking and interesting that you can't for the life of you remember the product...and I can't. I happened to be recording the show that was on when I saw it, so I went back later and watched it. During the commercials I'd hit the mute button and pick up a conversation with my wife. I happened to be looking at the screen at the muted images of a commercial that said a lot about our culture and communications.
It was a series of short scenes that, in different ways, show people talking incessantly and loudly at each other. Everyone's mouth is moving, fingers are pointed and arms are waving obviously signalling a debate about something or other.
A lot of emotion...
A lot of energy...
Absolutely no listening - no one is listening to anyone.
Now Look In The Mirror
How well do you do at really listening to others? When they have concerns do you hear them fully, or 'help them' by explaining how incorrectly they are viewing the situation.
How well do you listen to your clients? I was part of a business leadership team that once received our first-ever external client survey results. They were sobering. One pattern of discussion got started wherein the idea was suggested that the results were slanted by a few clients and things weren't as bad as the survey said. It was amazing how quickly folks jumped on board with that.
I was just about to say that we probably needed to accept this at face value when our business unit leader said it as elegantly and forcefully as anyone could: "This is the voice of our clients. We will not make excuses or minimize the pain of what we're hearing. This is a gift."
See-Think-Act of being a better listener:
See what others are saying as an opportunity to learn. Face it, you don't know everything and hearing others out broadens your knowledge and perspective. I've found this step particularly useful as it keeps me from making judgements about other people's motives. In this mode we ask clarifying questions - to be absolutely sure we understand
Think before responding - but not while others are sharing their thoughts. We often make the mistake - actually I think it happens quite without deciding to do it - of framing our responses to ideas and comments while others are still talking. We need to learn to consciously separate the act of listening to understand. Only when we fully understand are then prepared to craft a response. Unfortunately, we wait just long enough for others to finish, then we jump in with our counterpoint. No questions. No clarification. We usually miss a nuance or even the point altogether!
Act interested and you'll be interested. This may for you be a matter of form over substance at first, training yourself to appear focused and interested in what others are saying. I actually had to do this and a funny thing happened. The process of acting interested, in fact, made me interested. I picked up on important nuances in the materials being discussed and was able to ask better questions and help move us to decisions.
The commercial I mentioned is quite striking, and it may be that it is representative of life in America. I encourage you to make this place one step better by becoming an active listener. We just might learn something.
Next Up: How Do We Miss A Gorilla? . . . By Looking Too Hard For Something Else
Now Look In The Mirror
How well do you do at really listening to others? When they have concerns do you hear them fully, or 'help them' by explaining how incorrectly they are viewing the situation.
How well do you listen to your clients? I was part of a business leadership team that once received our first-ever external client survey results. They were sobering. One pattern of discussion got started wherein the idea was suggested that the results were slanted by a few clients and things weren't as bad as the survey said. It was amazing how quickly folks jumped on board with that.
I was just about to say that we probably needed to accept this at face value when our business unit leader said it as elegantly and forcefully as anyone could: "This is the voice of our clients. We will not make excuses or minimize the pain of what we're hearing. This is a gift."
See-Think-Act of being a better listener:
See what others are saying as an opportunity to learn. Face it, you don't know everything and hearing others out broadens your knowledge and perspective. I've found this step particularly useful as it keeps me from making judgements about other people's motives. In this mode we ask clarifying questions - to be absolutely sure we understand
Think before responding - but not while others are sharing their thoughts. We often make the mistake - actually I think it happens quite without deciding to do it - of framing our responses to ideas and comments while others are still talking. We need to learn to consciously separate the act of listening to understand. Only when we fully understand are then prepared to craft a response. Unfortunately, we wait just long enough for others to finish, then we jump in with our counterpoint. No questions. No clarification. We usually miss a nuance or even the point altogether!
Act interested and you'll be interested. This may for you be a matter of form over substance at first, training yourself to appear focused and interested in what others are saying. I actually had to do this and a funny thing happened. The process of acting interested, in fact, made me interested. I picked up on important nuances in the materials being discussed and was able to ask better questions and help move us to decisions.
The commercial I mentioned is quite striking, and it may be that it is representative of life in America. I encourage you to make this place one step better by becoming an active listener. We just might learn something.
Next Up: How Do We Miss A Gorilla? . . . By Looking Too Hard For Something Else
